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Home > Reviews > Notion
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Review: Notion |
| Product type: |
Word processor (I think) |
Maker: |
Notion Labs |
| Price: |
Free, allegedly |
Date reviewed: |
06/11/2024 |
| Tested on: |
The other computer (Denise's laptop, Windows 10, the browser it came with) |
What I Was Told This Was
Notion describes itself as "the all-in-one workspace." Everything is a workspace now. I have one workspace. It has a printer in it. Notion does not have a printer in it, and so we begin already at a disadvantage.
What Happened
The site asked me to sign up. I declined. I will not be dictated to. I reviewed what I could see, which was a login screen and a picture of some people who looked very pleased about something.
Denise, it turns out, already has an account, for reasons she did not go into. She left it open on the other computer. I used that.
The page was empty. I understand a new document is empty. This was a different kind of empty. It said "Press / for commands," which is a slash, which in my experience is for dates. I typed a date. It gave me a menu of forty things. None of them were "Print."
I typed a paragraph. Fine. I typed a second paragraph. It was, somehow, a separate item from the first paragraph, with its own handle, like a suitcase. I have written two paragraphs in Microsoft Word and they did not need handles. They stayed where I put them.
I looked for the ruler. There is no ruler. I looked for the margins. There are no margins. It is not clear to me how a document with no margins is supposed to fit on a page, and I say this as a man who has fed roughly two million pages through machines.
At approximately 3:15 PM, the screen died. It went completely black, with white writing on it. I unplugged the monitor and plugged it back in. Still black. I want to be clear that the program did this, not the monitor. The monitor is a Dell and has never once had an opinion.
I could not test anything further because of the death of the screen. I am scoring what I saw.
A Note on Denise
Denise was already in the room. She looked at the black screen, said "you hit the moon," pressed something, and it was white again. I did not hit any moon. I do not know what moon she is referring to. Denise agreed the program is ridiculous.
Verdict
Notion is a legal pad that has been taken apart and put back together by someone who did not keep the instructions. A legal pad, I will note, has never gone black.
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Reader Mail on this review (2 entries from the Guestbook)
"The 'handles' are blocks. Every paragraph is a block. You can drag them anywhere on the page, or into another page. It's really powerful once you get used to it." – Jordan, Brooklyn, NY, 06/15/2024
Lyle responds: Thank you Jordan. A paragraph is a paragraph. I have written several today and none of them needed a handle, and none of them needed to go to another page.
"Dark mode isn't a crash, Lyle. It's a setting. You turned it on yourself." – Priya, Austin, TX, 06/13/2024
Lyle responds: Thank you Priya. I did not turn anything on. I was turning things off.
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