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Home > Reviews > LinkedIn
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Review: LinkedIn |
| Product type: |
Rolodex (on the internet) |
Maker: |
Microsoft, which also owns GitHub (see review) and used to make Paint |
| Price: |
Free, and then $39.99 a month for "Premium," which it brought up eleven (11) times |
Date reviewed: |
11/05/2025 |
| Tested on: |
The other computer (Denise's laptop, Windows 10). See About. |
What I Was Told This Was
LinkedIn says it is "the world's largest professional network." I had a professional network. It was a Rolodex, on the corner of my desk from 1991 to 2019, four hundred and some cards, each one a person I had shaken hands with. It is in the closet. It has never once sent me a message.
Kyle made me a LinkedIn account in 2019, as a retirement gift, which I did not ask for and did not think of as a gift. It has been sending me email twice a day for six years telling me who has "viewed my profile." I decided that if it was going to keep writing to me I would go and see what it wanted.
What Happened
I'll be frank: I did not have to sign up, since Kyle had already done it, and so this is the first site I have reviewed from the inside on the first try. I want that noted before I say the rest.
The first thing I saw was myself. A photograph from the company directory, 2011, with the mustache. Under it, "Decatur, Illinois," which is correct, and "500+ connections," which is not. I have not connected anything. I checked the cable.
I looked for a way to say I was retired. There was a box. I typed "Early Retired." When I came back it had put a green ring around my photograph that said "#OPENTOWORK," in capitals, with a pound sign (see Slack). I said retired. It heard the opposite. I could not find a way to take the ring off. If you are a former customer reading this, I am not looking, and the ring is the program's.
I have been "endorsed" for Microsoft Excel by three (3) people, which I accept, since I have the certificate, and for "Leadership" by a man I let go in 2009.
I did try to do one thing on purpose. I looked up Dale Pruitt, of Pruitt & Sons Insurance, who bought eleven (11) machines from me between 1996 and 2014 and is a fine man. I pressed "Connect." Dale accepted within the hour. Forty minutes later Dale sent me a message asking if I had reviewed my life insurance coverage since retirement. I do not blame Dale. That is what the site is for, it turns out, and Dale figured it out before I did.
By the end of the afternoon I had nine (9) messages. Every one was the opening line of a sales call. I wrote the one we used, in 1994, and it was better than any of these. One asked if I was "the right person to talk to about document management solutions." I was. I am. I would not do that to me. Every third click told me somebody had viewed my profile and that to see who, I would need "Premium," $39.99 a month. You show the customer the box, you do not let him open it, you name the price. I have done it. Not eleven (11) times in one afternoon to a retired man.
A Note on Denise
Denise was at the other end of the table, since it was her laptop. She saw the green ring and said "you look like you're on sale." Then, "I know, it does that," which means she has one, which she has not mentioned in six years. Denise agreed the program is ridiculous and, in the same breath, asked if Dale's boy still ran the office on Eldorado Street. I did not ask how she knew.
Verdict
LinkedIn is a Rolodex that talks, and everything it says is the opening line of a sales call. A real Rolodex does not put a ring on your face. It does not tell you who looked at it and then charge you to find out. It sits on the desk, and when you need Dale, you turn it to P.
I completed one (1) action, which was connecting to Dale, but Dale completed the second half of it and I am not scoring Dale. Two (2). The Rolodex is out of the closet. It has not said a word.
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Reader Mail on this review (2 entries from the Guestbook)
"Lyle, good to hear from you. The message about coverage goes to everybody who connects, the boy set it up. Wasn't aimed at you. Come by the office, we'll do it in person." – Dale Pruitt, Decatur, IL, 11/12/2025
Lyle responds: Thank you Dale. I knew it was the boy. Tell him the message is fine but it goes out too fast. Forty minutes is not a relationship. I will come by Thursday.
"The #OpenToWork ring is a setting you can turn off. Go to your profile, click the photo, and there's a toggle. Also 500+ connections means Kyle imported your email contacts in 2019." – Priya, Austin, TX, 11/07/2025
Lyle responds: Thank you Priya. I have found the toggle. It was under the photograph, which is where I looked first, and it was not there then. As to Kyle and my contacts, I have spoken to him.
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